My IVF Journey part 1 of ?

In my previous post My JOURNEY To Becoming a Mom I mentioned that I would write more about my IVF journey. If you haven’t read that post check it out! This is probably the first post of many talking about my journey because there is a lot that goes into it! And I’m sure I will miss something that is important to share. The journey is a long one so I’ll talk today about what things were like up until the time the shots began!

I have decided to share my journey so that others don’t feel so alone. Since I have begun talking about my experiences I have heard from many friends that they too have experienced pregnancy loss and IVF. I don’t think that we as women intend to be so private about this but it is a loss and grief and really hard to talk about. It is something that doesn’t go away but does heal with time. In the beginning my silence was not because I didn’t want others to know what I was going through rather it was too sad to talk about. As strange as it seems I felt like if I did talk about it I would jinx my becoming a mom or something! I logically know that is not possible but I kept my silence but I don’t want to anymore. The IT is the pregnancy loss and IVF.

After the miscarriage I felt cautiously optimistic that I would get pregnant again since I was able to become pregnant. As each month came and went with negative pregnancy tests that fear of not becoming a REAL mom was becoming stronger and stronger. I was doing everything I possibly could to prepare my body for a healthy pregnancy. I was working out, eating right (mostly, ha), taking vitamins, and trying to not stress about becoming pregnant. I would try to not worry and trust that at some point I would become pregnant and it would all be fine. Since I was just over the age of 35 I could be diagnosed with infertility after 6 months of trying with no pregnancy. I reached out to my doctor and was in fact given this diagnosis. The diagnosis itself made me feel sad and even more worried. I decided that if I was going to pursue any means necessary to become pregnant then I needed to shift my mind to feeling hopeful instead of worried. I did this but to be honest it was a daily battle. And one that I think I won! But it was not easy by any means.

The first consultation with the infertility doctor was nerve wracking! We sat down with the doctor in his office and he began to talk about the OPTIONS. I don’t know about you but when doctors start talking of options it’s usually not a good sign. I was nervous as he explained infertility and the tests that they would run on both of us. As we sat there I wondered if my husband was really onboard with this whole thing. At this point IVF was not decided on. He had already had 3 children and didn’t have to go down this route of medical means. I knew that infertility treatment meant a lot of things for me but I didn’t realize the tests that my husband would also have to do. It makes sense since 35% of the time it’s the woman, 35% of the time the man and the rest is unexplained. We ended up with unexplained infertility which was positive on one hand because nothing was clinically wrong, but frustrating on another hand because it was unexplained.

As the meeting came to an end I felt nervous as to what my husband was going to say. He was completely onboard with doing whatever we needed for the two of us to have a baby. He gave me no reason to believe he wouldn’t be onboard. It was just my fear that because he already had children eh wouldn’t want to be so aggressive in us trying to become pregnant. He said it would suck if the two of us couldn’t have a baby and he would support even IVF if we had to.

From what I recall the options for us were optimizing natural fertility (planned intercourse) which duh we were doing, Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI), In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), and Egg Donor. The recommendation was to try these interventions in that order. We both agreed that we didn’t want to get an egg donor. I felt strongly that I wanted to have a baby of my own with no egg donor. It’s perfectly fine if you made that decision but for me I felt like that wasn’t an option. We moved forward with all the testing and exploring if there were more reasons why we couldn’t conceive. Nope, no other reason. Well other than my age. Which as much as I hate to admit it was a reality. I was 36 years old and not getting younger. I explored all the other options and from the recommendation of our fertility doctor we decided to skip straight to IVF.

I was both excited and nervous about the IVF process. I read as many blogs as I could about experiences with IVF. It was helpful to hear from others who had gone through the process because the doctor did not share the experience of the process only the facts. While facts are great, I was interested to know what I was going to experience.

When you begin IVF they start you on a birth control. Which seems totally against what you’re trying to do in the first place! It was really hard for me to start this pill. I had many emotions that came with actually beginning the treatment. I was excited for the possibility of becoming a Mom, but the reality of having to do IVF hit me hard. They start you on the pill so that they can take control of the reproductive clock, if you will. Then you begin the shots. I knew that I would need shots in the beginning of the process to get to egg retrieval. What I did not know is that you have to continue shots through the first trimester. That was a surprise to me.

The process was in full swing and my husband and I were both onboard. No turning back now! Before the shots began, we met with a nurse to show us how to do the injections. I was against doing them myself and luckily, my husband had no problem with giving me the shots. I left completely overwhelmed with information and anxious to begin this part of the process. The medication came and I had my calendar which told me which shots to take on what days. Let the fun begin!

What I thought was going to be the worst part of the process, actually wasn’t. The shots didn’t really hurt that much and I didn’t have a terrible skin reaction to them. Some people can see irritation with their skin and around the injection sites. I was doing alright and thinking that this process wasn’t so bad after all. I continued to go work during this time and was coping very well. There was one time that I had to give myself a shot and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I also didn’t want to do it again. My husband was great in taking the lead on that one. I am fortunate that he had no problems in helping me out with shots as I have heard some partners refuse to do it.

I believe the next steps in the process require another blog post! That’s where the fun really begins. And by fun I mean the painful part of the process, at least for me. I have my little girl now from this IVF process and I couldn’t be happier. She is exactly what my heart needed and I thank God every day that he sent her my way.

-Tracy @mommytracerq