My IVF Journey Part 3 of ? – Fresh Transfer Day

Becoming a Mom through the IVF process was not something that I ever imagined. Of course, I had heard of the process but it never crossed my mind that I would be THAT woman. Now that I’ve been through the process and have my daughter I’m so glad that God used technology (yes I believe that) to help me bring my daughter into the world. Now being THAT woman is amazing. I am happy to share the journey with you!

In the post My IVF Journey Part 2 of ? – shots, shots, FIRE you learned that the day before the egg retrieval surgery happened our house burnt down. See that post for more details and read My IVF Journey part 1 of ? to start reading my journey from the beginning. Recovering from the egg retrieval, trying to wrap my mind around losing literally everything we owned, and waiting to see if we had embryos was nerve wracking. We were staying at my parent’s house during these few days trying to figure out what to do next. I remember sitting in my parent’s living room in physical and emotional pain waiting for the call from the nurse to find out if our fertilized embryos survived. I was secretly hoping to get at least 3 embryos. When the phone rang, my heart sank. I picked up and she said you have 5 embryos, we will see you on XXX day for your fresh transfer! I was so excited and shared the happy news with my husband and parents. In spite of all we were going through I felt so much hope.

The morning of the transfer I was so nervous. I wanted the first transfer to work so bad, but also knew there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. The hardest part about infertility and the IVF process was that I had no control over anything. Eating healthy, working out, and staying positive was helpful but those things weren’t the reason I was not getting pregnant. The infertility that I had was labeled as Unexplained Infertility. Which means they have no idea why! The only identifiable thing was my age. I was in my 30’s and the truth is that does impact fertility.

We had to drive about 1 hour from where we were living to the fertility clinic. The drive seemed like it took forever. When we arrived I was taken into the prep area which is a surgery prep zone. I put on the hospital gown and walked to the exam room. Prior to this procedure you have to have a full bladder. So by this point I am nervous, still in pain from the egg retrieval and I have to pee!

The doctor comes in and it’s a very official process, as it should be. The nurse with the embryo comes in and talks about the embryo, in language I don’t understand. They have classification rankings and pick the best one. Basically the little embryo that is now Averie was the best one ranked very high. In this moment the possibility of becoming pregnant was very real and exciting. My husband was in the room with me during this procedure. The doctor has an ultra sound of the uterus up on the screen so that she can navigate inside there! She told us to watch the screen very careful and not take our eyes off because there was something exciting for like 1 second. I was watching so intensely that my eyes were starting to hurt. When she inserted the embryo there was a little flash of light on the screen. She said that was the embryo being implanted. I hoped in this moment that I would be pregnant but I didn’t know. All I could do was pray and go home and wait.

Waiting is so hard! If you have experienced infertility you know that month after month you hope that this is the time you are pregnant. You wait patiently or impatiently to take the pregnancy test and month after month you see NOT PREGNANT. It’s heartbreaking and no matter how much I told myself I would not cry when I saw those words, I would cry. Every. Single. Time. With IVF you go and get blood work done to confirm the pregnancy. They can tell with the first blood draw if your body has likely conceived. I don’t recall the exact time lines of the blood work but I do remember feeling nervous each time. From this point forward you have to begin taking the progesterone shots. This is a shot that goes straight into your buttock. You have to begin these shots and either stop if the pregnancy test is negative or continue through the first trimester if you are pregnant to support the fetus.

The nurse instructed me to not take a at home pregnancy test. To wait for the blood test results. And, yea, that didn’t happen! How could I wait for the blood work when I knew that I could take a home pregnancy test and possibly see the results. I bought some pregnancy tests (of course more than one) and took the test. I didn’t tell anybody that I was doing it. I took the test one day and then went into the other room for a few minutes. I was more nervous this time than any other. It felt like there was so much more riding on this pregnancy test than any other time. I had gone through so much emotional and physical pain to get to this point. I walked back into the bathroom and looked down at the test. My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt so nervous. Have I mentioned that I was nervous? Then I saw the words I had been longing to see for so long PREGNANT. I was beyond excited, elated! I had seen those words one other time before and then remembered the miscarriage. My brain immediately went to thinking what if I have a miscarriage? I felt God tell me peace I give you (John 14:27). Then I felt one more thing and wondered if it was God or not. I felt God say you will have a healthy baby girl. I thought that was my mind wanting a baby girl but I held on to this scripture and statement.

I still didn’t tell anybody and waited until the next day to take another pregnancy test. When the second pregnancy test said PREGNANT I then told my husband. I showed him a picture of the pregnancy test because I have always felt it’s gross to bring the pee stick out to show people. He was excited but I think we were both nervous about the pregnancy continuing and not resulting in a miscarriage.

When the nurse called regarding the blood word I was pretty positive about what she would say. She said Great news you are pregnant. She told me about the numbers and what it all means. Essentially she was saying that the numbers looked great and it was looking like a solid pregnancy. Now the next step would be to take one more test and then the ultra sound to find a heartbeat. The next blood test went excellent and we were onto the ultra sound next! This is the same point that I had got with my previous pregnancy that was natural. I continued to hold onto the scripture God had given me but the reality is I’m human and felt nervous. Oh and remember during this time our house had recently burnt down. So as I am navigating the beginning stages of pregnancy, I am also making a million trips to target to buy essentials. I am also trying to buy new clothes because I don’t have clothes. It’s a tricky thing to see if you should buy clothes that fit, maternity clothes, or what. Somehow I felt like if I bought maternity clothes I would jinx the process. Now I know that’s not how God works but remember I said I’m human!

I actually wrote down the scripture on a note in my phone and would read it daily. I now know, looking back, that God did give me that scripture. He did bless me with a healthy baby girl. He fulfilled the desire of my heart. There is more to this story and I will write next time about the ultra sound. There are also other low points to this journey. It wasn’t all hearts and rainbows. I don’t always understand why things are so difficult, but I have learned to trust in God and the process. I have my beautiful baby girl and each time I look in her eyes I am reminded of how God fulfills his promises. She truly is my RAINBOW BABY. I can’t wait to share with you the first ultra sound appointment. Check back next week for those details!

-Tracy @mommytracerq

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