The IVF Journey story is almost complete. This is Part 5, so if you have missed the beginning read My IVF Journey part 1 of ?. Start from the beginning and ready my entire journey. The reason I decided to share this story in the first place is to give hope to those that are struggling to have a baby. I found comfort in reading about the journeys of other women and I hope that someone finds comfort in hearing mine.
Once the first trimester is complete then there is really nothing different about a “normal” pregnancy or an IVF one. During my pregnancy we suffered the loss of our family home due to a wild fire. To read more about that take a look My IVF Journey Part 2 of ? – shots, shots, FIRE. It was a stressful time and I felt many emotions. I felt excited that I was finally pregnant and I could be a REAL Mom. I also felt sad about the loss of our home and stressed about rebuilding our material things. Overall, I felt robbed of my experience of pregnancy. I had looked forward to being pregnant for a long time and this was not what I expected. I did not want to experience all these extra stressors, I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy. It was a rough road but I really tried to enjoy my pregnancy the best way I could. I tried to not worry about losing my baby early or about what was to come with our family home situation. Though it was difficult, I can look back and say that I did enjoy my pregnancy. It was everything that I had hoped it would be, well minus the house fire and doing IVF thing. But you get what I’m saying, I loved it!
Sometime during the first part of second trimester I remember watching TV and feeling my baby kick for the first time. I thought that maybe it was all in my head but then it happened again and again. This was by far the best part of pregnancy. I felt that little girl kick throughout the day and night. This little one also had the hiccups often, like daily. I think for me it was so fun and reassuring, knowing that my little girl was alive and well.
While I was able to enjoy my pregnancy and give birth to a healthy little girl I have to admit that a little bit of fear and worry was always there. I had scripture to hold to, feeling her kick, and lots of positive thoughts but when you have suffered a pregnancy loss before then you know all too well that it could happen. I still think about that first pregnancy and what that baby would have been like. With early pregnancy loss people will often say well at least you know you can get pregnant or at least it happened early. If you start a sentence with at least you probably shouldn’t. I’ll admit I have said these words myself to others. There is no at least. It’s painful no matter when it happens. I know people have good intentions and are just trying to find a way to comfort you. Like I said, I’ve said those words myself! I think I grieved that pregnancy loss again as my baby girl grew bigger. In a weird way it made that first pregnancy even more real to me.
My IVF journey has taught me many things. I know how strong I am and most of all I have seen God fulfill his promise to me. The journey was not easy but I’d do it all over again to my have my sweet baby girl. I love being a mom and couldn’t imagine my life without her. I’m so thankful for her and I don’t know what my story would be if God did not bless me with her. I know many of you don’t have your little miracle yet and you wonder if you ever will.
If you are in the midst of your journey I pray and hope your little miracle is coming soon. Miracles often come when we least expect them and in unexpected ways. Yet, I will never promise that one day you’ll have a baby. I don’t know that, but God knows. Whatever happens I pray that God brings you healing and peace. I will leave you with a scripture that brought me comfort during infertility journey.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” -John 14:27
-Tracy @mommytracerq
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