Since the moment I heard of COVID-19 there was some level of anxiety. The first news report I can recall was of the disease in China and then it seemed to reach closer and closer to home as the months passed. During this last week (or 2) the changes have seemed to happen by the hour. The drastic, but necessary, measures that have been taken have increased anxiety tremendously. Last weekend I was doing my business as usual and this week life has drastically changed with businesses closing and ultimately the government issuing a shelter in place order. I could have never imagined that this would ever happen. Yet, here we are. For those of us in a blended family situation a shelter in place becomes a little complicated because the children have two homes that they live in. Questions have quickly arisen as to whose home will the children stay in? Will they maintain the same schedule in which they switch homes? What happens if someone gets sick in any of the houses? The questions are real, the anxiety is real and yet no one has the perfect answer. Here are my 5 tips on how handle this ever changing situation when it comes to child custody arrangements during COVID-19:
- Talk WITH each other: Bio parents now is the time to put every difference aside and talk to each other. Talk to the other parent as a co-parent. Try to hear each other’s thoughts, opinions and concerns. Then work together to make the best decision for the CHILDREN.
- Talk with YOUR spouse: I mean the current spouse, the step-parent. Ask for their opinion and their feeling on the situation. I believe now is a time in which everybody’s feelings should be taken into account and this should not just be the bio parents determining the best plan. This needs to be a time in which everyone is considered and treated as an equal.
- Talk with the CHILDREN: Let’s not forget that the children are also experiencing a stressful situation. No matter how well you try to hide your anxiety about this situation, the children know. As a therapist I can tell you that children know WAY more than you think that they do. Their voice should be just as important as anyone else’s during this time. I’m not saying that they should get the final say but listen to them and really take into account their wishes and desires during this time. Then circle back to tips 1 & 2.
- Be REASONABLE: Please don’t use this time to take advantage of the situation. We have seen people hoard toilet paper and Clorox wipes, please don’t do this with the children. If everyone is healthy and the situation feels right then keep to the schedule. It’s best to try and maintain as much normalcy as possible. I could see where one parent or the other would take advantage of the situation and just don’t do it, now is not the time.
- Be SAFE: I think that using common sense during this time is the best policy. Wash hands, stay in the house as needed, and monitor everyone’s health. If someone is sick or feeling sick then communicate with the other parent and take everyone’s input into consideration before a final decision is made. By everyone I mean each parent, step-parent(s), and the children. It’s not fair during this time to not take into account everyone’s feelings and thoughts.
As a Step-Mom I often feel that decisions are made and my input is not considered. This is a time in which I feel you, Step-Mom (or Dad), should be included. Not that you shouldn’t be any other time, but let’s be real and we understand the dynamics of blended family life. More on that another time! I encourage communication always but this is a special circumstance in which communication needs to be practiced to the highest degree possible. I hope that conflict can be put aside to keep everyone’s physical and mental health in a heathy state. Let’s also remember that everyone handles stress in different ways. Let’s take this time to be patient and kind with everyone and if we need to assume anything then let’s error on the side of assuming good intentions. I wish everyone wellness and safety during this time.
I would love to hear how you and your blended family are handling co-parenting in the midst of COVID-19. Leave a comment below…like, comment, share!
*The picture featured was the last outing that my daughter and I had before the shelter in place. She wanted down from my arms to walk around but her facial expression is too funny! She’s already saying “Mom stay away…we are social distancing right now.” LOL. Let’s find humor where we can, that’s the secret bonus tip number 6.
If you have a moment check out a few of my favorite blog posts:
Step-Mom Comebacks When it Comes to Infertility: Top 8 things people say to us and how to respond
The TEXT (From The EX) Top 5 Tips on How to Respond
4 Reasons Why Mom GUILT is Even Stronger After Infertility
-Tracy @Mommytracerq
MommyTracerQ Fashion.Lifestyle.Mommyhood. 